Wednesday, March 31,
Forrest and St. Peter
The day finally arrives:
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter
himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the
St. Peter says "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We
have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast,
and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are
fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.
responds "It shore is good to be here St. Peter. I was looking forward to this.
Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't too hard;
life was a big enough test as it was".
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know
Forrest but the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first:
What days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are
there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?".
Forrest goes away to
think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St.. Peter to
try to answer the exam questions.
St. Peter waves him up and says "Now that
you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your
Forrest says, "Well, the first one how many days of the week begin
with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims "Forrest! That's not
what I was thinking, but.....you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't
specify, so I give you credit for that answer". "How about the next one?" says
St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder" says
Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be
Astounded St. Peter says "Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven's
name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks,
there gotta be twelve, January second, February second, March second. . .
"Hold it" interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with it. And I
guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll
give you credit for that one too. Let's go on with the next and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name?"
Forrest replied "Andy". . .when St. Peter
asked how in the world he came up with the name Andy, Forrest replied . . . in
the song . . . "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with
Tuesday, March 30,
A man decides to take the
opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. After he finished,
he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner
than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down and gets the toilet seat
stuck to her rear. She becomes upset and in a panic shouts to her husband to
drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat to cover the stuck
seat, and off they go. When they get to the doctor's office, the man lifts his
wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever
seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes." the doctor replied. "But never
Monday, March 29,
From the Mind of Bill Cosby
These are bits of wisdom
gained by a father who was educated by his rather active
1. There is no such thing as
child proofing your house.
2. A four-year-old's voice is louder than 200
adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling
fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy
underwear and a Superman cape.
4. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
5. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in
windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it is already
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots of
9. A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies.
10. If you use
a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak...it
11. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000
sq. ft. house almost 4 inches deep.
12. Legos will pass through the
digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
13. Duplos will not.
Playdough and microwaves should never be used in the same sentence.
Superglue is forever.
16. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even
though TV commercials show they do.
17. Garbage bags do not make good
18. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noises when
19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
21. The spin
cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight
24. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems
Sunday, March 28,
John Madden was in Denver to
announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the
Broncos' bench. He asked Coach Shanahan what it was for and was told it was a
hotline to God. John asked the coach if he could use it, and the coach said:
"Sure, but it will cost you $100."
Madden scratched his head, then said:
"What the heck, I need some help picking some games." He pulled out his wallet
and paid the $100.
Madden was perfect that week.
The next weekend, Madden
was in Green Bay when he noticed the same kind of phone near the Green Bay
bench. He asked Coach Holmgren what the phone was for, and Mike said: " It's a
hotline to God, and if you want to use it, it will cost you $100." Recalling the
previous week, Madden pulled out his wallet and gladly paid the $100.
again, Madden was perfect.
The next weekend, Madden was in Dallas at Texas
Stadium when he noticed the same phone near the Cowboy's bench. He asked Coach
Gailey if it was a hotline to God. Chan said, "Yes it is. Do you want to use it?
It'll cost you 35 cents."
Madden looked at Coach Gailey and said, "Wait a
minute! I just paid $100 in Denver and $100 in Green Bay to use the same phone!
Why in Dallas do they only charge 35 cents?"
Chan looked at Madden and
replied very matter-of-factly, "In Texas, it's a local
Saturday, March 27,
An airhead goes for a job
interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss,
can you tell us your age, please?"
The airhead counts carefully on her
fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from
her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to
the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics;
something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to
confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from
side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying "Mandy!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this
stage, so he asks "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
that!" replies the airhead," I was just running through that song, 'Happy
birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".
Friday, March 26,
A man decides to join the
circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the impresario. "I have the
most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you."
He proceeds to
climb a tall tower, and jumps off. He flaps his arms wildly, and finally his
fall slows. He soars forward, then swoops upward, turns and swoops back again.
Finally he stops in mid air and gently lowers himself to the ground.
impresario stares blankly at him for a long time. Finally he speaks, "Is that
all you've got? Bird imitations?"
Eight year old Johnnie came
home from school one day. At the supper table
he announced to his mother and
father that tomorrow in school they were
going to learn about sex
The next evening at the dinner table Johnnie's mother asked,
"Well Johnnie, what did you learn about sex education today?"
said, "I think the teacher said we should avoid inter-sections and buy
Thursday, March 25,
A man was driving along a rural
road when he realized he had to make a phone call. He was miles from a pay phone
so he decided to stop in at the next farmhouse he found. As he was approaching a
house he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the
chicken and clocked it at 45 miles per hour.
When the man got to the
farmhouse he asked the farmer about the chicken. The farmer replied, "W'all,
when I was at the uneeversitee I studied geenetics. 'Round these parts we love
chicken and we're all partial to the drumstick, so I thought I'd see if I could
make a three- legged chicken.
So, here 'tis."
The man was quite impressed.
He asked, "How does it taste?"
The farmer replied, "Don't know. Ain't none of
us been able to catch one yet."
Wednesday, March 24,
Great Words to Live by . . .
...for the Slightly
Blessed are those who hunger
and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
One of life's mysteries
is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
God put me
on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind,
I will live forever.
I finally got my head together ... and my body fell
Time may be a great healer but it's a lousy
Brain cells come and brain cells go but fat cells live
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a month or
so and it shrinks two sizes.
I don't mind the rat race but I sure could
do with a little more cheese.
Tuesday, March 23,
A woman goes to a restaurant,
buys a coffee a sits down to drinking it. She looks on the side of her cup and
finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I
WONa motor home; I WON a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and says,
"That?s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"
woman replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"
By this time
the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly
have won a motor homes because we didn't have that as a prize!"
woman says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!" The woman
hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A
Monday, March 22,
Shakey went to a psychiatrist.
"Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s
somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there`s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, top, under. . . you gotta help me, I`m going crazy!"
yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a
week, and I`ll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
dollars per visit."
"I`ll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the
doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?"
asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck`s a visit? A bartender cured me
for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"I took HIS advice and cut the legs
off my bed."
The 70-year-old man sat down in
the orthopedic surgeon's office.
"You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love
in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from
scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.
no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your
Sunday, March 21,
15 Ways to Tell if a Redneck is Working at a
1. The mouse is referred to as
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
3. There is a skoal
can in the CD-ROM drive.
4. The password is, "bubba."
numeric keypad only goes up to six.
6. "Winders 98" has a Dale Earnhardt
sticker on it.
7. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
9. The extra
RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
10. The menus all
have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
11. The monitor
is up on blocks.
12. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
14. The screen saver consist of pictures
of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing in the background.
15. The six
front keys have rotted out.
Saturday, March 20,
She's A Liar
"That wife of mine is a liar,"
said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night
and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her
Friday, March 198,
A computer was something on
from a science fiction show of note
A window was
something you hated to clean
and ram was the cousin of a
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was
a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes
An application was for
a program was a TV show
A cursor used
a keyboard was a piano
something that you lost with age
a cd was a bank
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you hoped nobody
Compress was something you did to the
not something you did to a file
And if you
unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for a
Log on was adding wood to the fire
was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse
and a backup happened to your commode
did with a pocket knife
paste you did with glue
was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu
I'll stick to my pad and paper
and the memory in my
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but when it happens they wish they were dead
Thursday, March 18,
A couple arrived at town hall
seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave,
and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they
didn't, sent them off to get one.
They caught the town clerk just as he was
locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he
pointed out they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged
and vice versa.
They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and
got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in
the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued
licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.
Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I
made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your
marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be
Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called
Wednesday, March 17,
An artist asked the gallery
owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is
that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in
value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad
"The guy was your doctor."
Tuesday, March 16,
A local community club was
organizing a baseball team. They could only muster eight players, and were hard
put to find a ninth. In desperation, they called on a new member, a very
reserved Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London, to
join their team. During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the
very first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park. The team members stood
there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates
cried. "For Pete's sake, run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I
jolly well shan't run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps
Monday, March 15,
Grocery Store Lingo
Hopefully, the following
explanations will make your dreaded trip to the
grocery store a more
|When you see...
||It really means...|
|"buy one get one
||They've doubled the price, |
but are giving
you a deal
|"higher degree of
||you're paying extra to get more
||they buy this garbage
|"boneless ham slices, water
||They're gonna give you a break|
for bone weight, but they'll make up the difference by charging you for
|"6 oz tuna, in
||2oz tuna, 4 oz
After years of his wife's
pleading, this rich good ole boy finally goes with her to her little local
Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the
way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, "Reverend, that was the best
damn sermon I ever did hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir,
but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's
The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was
such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you
behaving this way in Church!"
The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted
you to know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there
"Well", said the reverend, "That was damn decent of
Sunday, March 14,
A man walking along the beach
found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But there is one
condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you
every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well-only double."
man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten
million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank
account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited.
"But every lawyer in the world has just received $20,000,000," the genie
"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That's my second
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every lawyer in the world has just
received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last
"Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for
Saturday, March 13,
Once upon a time, an elderly
woman decided that she wanted to have a baby. She read all about the modern
fertility procedures for older women. She decided that she would get pregnant,
and have a baby. And she did, and she did.
One of her old friends dropped by
her house, and wanted to see the baby. She said, "The baby is napping, and
you'll have to wait until he wakes up." So they talked and visited for a while.
After a while the friend said she had to go soon, but she really did want to
see the baby.
The mother was quite adamant: "You'll have to wait until he
The visitor said, "Can't I just peek in and look at him
The mother admitted, "I can't remember where I put him, but when
up and cries, then I can find him...."
Friday, March 12,
A man answers the phone and has
the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has
been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you
know how she is. Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she
was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to
marry her. You were perfectly right. You want to speak with her? All
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next
room, "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
A young student reports for a
final examination that consists of only true false type statements. The student
takes a seat in the hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, removes
a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads means
true, tails means false.
The young student is all done in 30 minutes while
the rest of the class is sweating it out.
But, suddenly, during the last few
minutes, the young student is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and
The moderator, alarmed, approaches the student and asks what is
"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," says the student, "but
I thought I ought to recheck my answers."
Thursday, March 11,
Two gas company servicemen, a
senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a
suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked
their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen
window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter
check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down
the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that
last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her
what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
Wednesday, March 10,
Came The Dawn
"How'd it happen?" the doctor
asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25
years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on
the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I
"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story
have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the
Tuesday, March 9,
A man runs into the vet's
office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an
examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet
examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept
this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out
with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the
body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally
looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but
the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to
accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black lab, the lab sniffs
the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The
vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet
and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog
is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have
charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat
scan and lab tests."
Monday, March 8,
A mother was reading a book
about animals to her 3 year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the
Mother: "Great! What
does the cat say?"
you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little
three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied,
After hearing that one of the
patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by
pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and
called him into his office.
"Mr. James, you records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home." he said. "I'm only sorry that the
man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to
Sunday, March 7,
Good News ..... I've finally
discovered the Fountain of Youth.
Bad News ..... At my age, I've forgotten
what I wanted to do with it.
Never ask old people how they are if you
have anything else to do that day.
One of the side benefits of
forgetting names and faces.
You keep meeting new people every
Saturday, March 6,
The first manned Martian
expedition landed on Mars, and to their amazement, they discovered that the
planet was populated. The Martians were humanoid and not much different from
their Neighbors on Earth.
The Expedition personnel -- 4 males and one
female spent the first few days avidly discussing their various fields of
expertise with their hosts. The Martians also showed great hospitality to their
visitors, wined them and dined them, took them to the Mars bars. Eventually, of
course, the subject of procreation was raised.
The Martians took their
guests deep into their underground complex, into a room with red paneling
covered in dials, switches and other controls. "Right," said one of the
Martians, adjusting various controls. "I think we should make a boy who will
grow up to be tall, fair, an engineer, a good sportsman with a good sense of
humor but a bit shy".
He checked his settings, punched a blue button and
a few seconds later a panel in the wall opened and a basket containing a Martian
baby slid into view.
Everyone, Martians and humans gathered around and
gasped in wonder at the new born child. Then the Martians asked how this was
accomplished on Earth. "Well," said the Expedition Leader. "If Miss Johnson
would care to assist in the demonstration, I should be only too pleased to show
you how it is done".
The lady astronaut was more than willing and,
together, they stripped each other and proceeded to have sex. When they finished
and were redressing one Martian raised a quizzical eyebrow and asked when the
issue could be expected.
"Oh sorry," said the leader. "It takes nine
"Nine months!" exclaimed the Martian. "Well, why all the hurry
at the end?"
Friday, March 5,
There is an Irish man getting
ready to jump to his death from a bridge when a Priest walks past. The man turns
to the Priest and says, "Don't try to stop me father, I'm going to jump."
"Don't jump." says the Priest, "It can't be that bad. Think of the life you
have yet to live."
"That's one of the reasons I'm jumping" Says the Irish
"Well if that won't stop you, think about your family." says the
Priest. "That's another reason." says the Irish man.
think about your job." says the Priest.
"There's another reason," says
the Irish man.
"Well if that won't stop you think about St. Patrick." says
"Who's that?" asks the Irish man.
"Jump you Protestant
bastard," says the Priest.
Thursday, March 4,
I've never understood why women
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in
when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like
to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate
in a man, they love in a cat.
Wednesday, March 3,
Then this guy walked up to the
lady behind the counter and said, "Do you keep stationery?"
She said, "Well,
right up to the last minute, then my toes curl up and I turn into an
Tuesday, March 2,
A mother was preparing pancakes
for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If
Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Playing the Age Ticket
A lady is having a bad day at
the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she
exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing
next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you
play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by
a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the
table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor,
with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks,
"What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put
all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just
Monday, March 1,
Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago, was my
forty-ninth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went
into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and
probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone
any Happy Birthday. I said, Well, that's wives for you. The children will
remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.
started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into
my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I
felt a little better, someone had remembered. I worked until noon.
Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside
and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George,
that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. "Let's go."
We went to lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little
private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way
back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't
need to go back to the office. Do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said,
"Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment, we had another
martini and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the
bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly
She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out
..... carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children. All
were singing Happy Birthday .... and there on the couch I sat ...... with
nothing on but my socks.