tca083097

Gynecologist	Body Language
The Pig	Adam and Eve
The Magician	Lingerie
Childrens Letters to God

A Gynecologist decides to that he wants to change occupations and be an auto mechanic. So he goes to auto mechanic school. It comes time for the final exam. He takes the exam and when he gets the test back he's shocked at the test score he received - 200%, so he goes to talk to the instructor. The instructor tells him he gave him 50% for taking the engine apart correctly, 50% for putting it back together correctly, and an extra 100% for doing it all through the muffler.

On his doctors advice, a manager has to take on some sport for more exercise. He decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing.
"It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!".
"Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastic.
"Then my body says: Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!".

Bill Clinton and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
Clinton told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours.
When he came out, Clinton asked why his driver had been there so long.
"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.
"What did you tell the farmer?" Clinton asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Bill Clinton's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

Adam was roaming around the Garden of Eden making up names for all the animals that were there. He also noticed that there were two kinds of each species - male and female. And he also noticed that most of the animals were mating and seemed to be enjoying this very act. So, he went to his special place and called out in a loud voice, "Hey, God!".
And a loud booming voice replied, "Yes, Adam".
"Hey, God - There's an awful lot of animals down here."
"Yes, Adam - I have created many species and I trust you have not run out of names for then."
"No, that's not the problem. But, I have noticed that there are two kinds of each species."
"Yes, Adam. One kind is male and the other is female."
"Hey, God - why is there a male and a female of each species ?"
"So they can mate and procreate. This will ensure the continuation of the species."
"Hey, God."
(sigh) "Yes, Adam."
"Which am I?"
"You, Adam, are a male."
"Hey, God, I've noticed that most of the animals are mating --- and they seem to be really enjoying themselves. If it isn't too much trouble, do you think...maybe,....I could..."
"All right, Adam. The time has come for me to provide you with a mate. Go lie down and when you have fallen asleep, I will create your mate."
So, Adam leaves his special place, finds a patch of soft grass under a tree, lies down, and falls asleep. Some time later he awakes (possibly due to a slight pain in his side) and heads immediately to his special place.
"Hey, God."
"Yes, Adam."
"Hey, God - did you remember to do what you promised ?"
"Yes, Adam. While you were sleeping I created for you a mate. Her name is Eve. You will find her in the bushes near the place where you were sleeping."
Adam rushes off to find Eve in the bushes. A few minutes later he is back at his special place, calling ...
"Hey, God."
"Yes, Adam."
"Hey, God --- What's a headache ????"

A magician had settled into a comfortable gig on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot, who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying things like, "Big deal, the card's up his sleeve," or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the faker!"
One night the ship began to sink. Confusion reigned, and the magician was barely able to hop into a tiny lifeboat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the tiny craft, staring at the magician.
Finally, the parrot blurted out, "OK, I give up! Where'd you put the boat?!"

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother! -Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set. -Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna

Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her. Unfortunately, he realizes that
life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel
good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.
She calls out, "Marvin, come out to the hallway and look."
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims
"Damn it, all that money and they didn't even iron it."