Dec 27 - Dec 30,
Tuesday, December 30, 1997
Too Shy to Say
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe
of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he
is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives
was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the
forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with
the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and
says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a
rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst
of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds,
"Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow
gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has
spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so
how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
replied, "My bike."
Monday, December 29, 1997
This man is at work one day when he
notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his
co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden
change in "fashion sense."
"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you
were into earrings."
"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob
"Really? How long have you been wearing
"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
Sunday, December 28, 1997
Three men were standing side-by-side using the
urinal. The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally
scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows. He used about 20 paper towels
before he finished. Turning to the other two men he commented "I graduated from
Harvard and they taught us to be clean".
The second man finished, zipped up
and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented
"I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out
the door had a smirk on his face and said "I don't know about you guys, but
where I went to college, they taught us not to pee on our hands".
Saturday, December 27, 1997
Big Chief Forget-me Not
An Australian travel writer touring Canada was
checking out of the Spokane Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager,
asked,"By the way, what's with the Indian Chief sitting in the lobby? He's been
there ever since I arrived."
"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the
manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement
is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is
known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92
and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took
this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to
the test. "'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return.
"What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's
instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the
east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory.
(One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian
chief than 'ello mate.')
On his return to the Spokane Hilton six months later
he was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the lobby,
fully occupied with whittling away on a stick. The Aussie strode up and said,
"Scrambled," said the Chief.