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Dec 27 - Dec 30, 1998

Tuesday, December 30, 1997

Too Shy to Say

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."

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Monday, December 29, 1997

The Earring

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
    "Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."
    "Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.
    "Really? How long have you been wearing one?"
    "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

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Sunday, December 28, 1997

Taught Well

Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows. He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. Turning to the other two men he commented "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean".
The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious".
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door had a smirk on his face and said "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college, they taught us not to pee on our hands".

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Saturday, December 27, 1997

Big Chief Forget-me Not

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Spokane Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, asked,"By the way, what's with the Indian Chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."
"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed.
He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not's great memory. (One local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than 'ello mate.')
On his return to the Spokane Hilton six months later he was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick. The Aussie strode up and said, "How!"
"Scrambled," said the Chief.

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