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On this page, you may find:
Guinness Worlds Records, Darwin Award* Nominees and Winners,
Ripley's Believe It or Not!, Miscellaneous Items
and some Not So Bright but Supposedly True Stories.


 

The 2013 Darwin Awards

Here Is The Glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And Now, The Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family…. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

The 2007 Darwin Winner is: 


1.  When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. 

And now, the Honorable Mentions: 


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 

5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.' 

9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. 

******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***** 
 
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time. 

MORE DUMB CRIMINALS

- New Jersey:
A Newark woman reporting her car as stolen mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

- Kentucky:
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home, with the chain still attached to the machine, with their bumper still attached to the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper!!
 

DUMB CRIMINALS

-  Tennessee:
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera...)

- Louisiana:
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives *you* money, was a crime committed??

- New York:
As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give the police a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told, "Stand there for a positive ID." To this instruction the man replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from!"

Bank Robber Lessons

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be bank robbers.

Pick The Right Bank:
You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.

Study Your History:
Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.

Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.

Don't Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

Don't Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.

Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.

Redecorating

An 11-year-old girl has taken television-inspired trends to the limit by asking for, and receiving, a coffin for her bedroom. A devoted fan of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," Naomi Okada told her mother she'd like to redecorate her bedroom and include a real coffin as her bed. Because she is "such a good kid," her unidentified mother took the girl casket hunting and she settled on a tapered black model with crimson interior. But custom coffin-maker Joey Conzevoy said he was uncomfortable with a child sleeping in a confined space, and suggested she use it for storage. The girl agreed, and work began on the $1,700 box. "A bed wouldn't have worked because I flop around a lot, and it would have to be really wide to be comfy," Naomi said.
 

Clowning Around

The suspect that hit the Bank of America Thursday morning was not your typical bank robber.  The female suspect sauntered into the bank wearing a clown costume.  She gave the teller a note demanding money and the employee complied.  Police think that the suspect took a taxi from the Collins Square Shopping Center to the bank and then back to the shopping center.  She was wearing white face paint, a colorful wig and clown costume, white gloves and shoes, and was carrying a backpack.  Investigators believe that she was armed, even though a weapon was not displayed or implied.  They are advising the public that the clown suspect should be considered armed and dangerous.
 

Talk about Intelligent Parents

A 6-year-old boy found a new toy while riding in the back seat of his mother's sport utility vehicle - a .38 caliber revolver. He picked up the gun and accidentally fired it, shooting and injuring his mother as she drove. According to Indiana State Police Trooper Robert May, Tomekia R. Wilson was driving on Interstate 69 with her son and her sister when the boy discovered a duffel bag under the seat and pulled out the gun. The gun discharged while he was playing around and sent a bullet through the back of the driver's seat. Wilson was struck above the waist, said May. "I reached in and grabbed the gun from him," May said. "I ended up making him a balloon toy." Wilson was taken to the hospital and listed in stable condition after surgery. The boy could not be held responsible in the shooting and the accident remained under investigation.

The Eyes Have it

A woman was charged with stealing 50 antique glass eyes from a hospital display case on Christmas Eve. Melissa Jane Wink was recorded by a surveillance camera as she snatched the eyes from an exhibit of medical artifacts at Owensboro Medical Health System. The value of the eyes was $2,500 and they were recovered at a home Wink was staying in. Police Detective Ed Krahwinkel said he didn't know why someone would steal the eyes. "Honestly, I don't think she knew what to do with them," Krahwinkel said. "Being a high profile case - and a used item - I think she was stuck with them." According to physician Barney Elliott, the eyes were most likely made at the start of the 20th century or earlier and came in a variety of colors.

He's Baaack!

Arnold Schwarzenegger is baack - this time in the form of a beer. Portland Brewing Co. has created a new brew called "Governator" beer that CEO Jerome Chicvara is surprised California brewers didn't think of first. The brewers designed 3,200 cases bearing the Pumping Iron label that are meant to be an amusing tribute to the governor of California. Chicvara thought of the idea while joking around with his kids and their friends, who had combined the words "governor" and "terminator" into "governator." "And I thought that's good, that could be a beer," Chicvara said. "Sometimes we get carried away, but we did this for fun." The bitter ale is only being sold in California and comes in a 22-ounce bottle with a label featuring a muscular figure posing like a body builder.

Money for His Mind

Conceptual artist Jonathon Keats is selling all 6 billion neurons of his brain because he wants to be immortal. Keats, 32, has issued a prospectus and has had a series of MRI brain scans showing clear areas of neural activity when he thought about art, beauty, love and death. A minimum investment of $10 will buy 1 million neurons, but the idea relies on new technology, not yet invented, which will keep his brain alive and functioning after his death. In theory, he could net $60 million, some of which would be used to cover the cost of keeping his brain functioning, while his holding company would strike deals to license out his brain.

An Anal Security Search

A robot dog that "breaks wind" set off a security scare at the Norfolk, Va., airport, it was reported Saturday. Security officials jumped on high alert when the toy's wind-breaking mechanism registered as a high explosive on sensitive monitoring equipment. Dave Rogerson, 31, of Thorner, Leeds, England, told reporters he watched incredulously as FBI agents took a series of swabs from the mechanical toy's rear end. The toy was eventually returned to him, but Rogerson was not allowed to take his planned flight and had to take an alternative route to North Carolina. "There's no humor at American check-ins and for about 20 minutes I was quite scared," he told reporters. "They were very jumpy and convinced there was something explosive in the dog." Rogerson, however, maintained his sense of humor and said he decided to name his toy Norfolk.

Will The Real Dummy...

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

With A Little Help

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

Plan B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

The Get Away

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Did I Say That?

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

Are We Communicating?

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!

Not the Sharpest Tool

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate! a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

New to Boating

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Cal. some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough top side check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE . Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
 

Travis

STAMFORD, Conn. - Travis, a 170-pound chimpanzee, is one talented monkey: he can water flowers, brush his teeth, and even enjoy a game of baseball on TV.  However, one thing he hasn't mastered is knowing when to play.  The diaper-wearing chimp escaped from his owners' vehicle Sunday night, frolicked through a busy intersection and held police at bay for a few hours.  Travis played in the middle of the street, rolling on his back and occasionally charging officers. When not shutting doors on squad cars to prevent being trapped inside, he made runs toward the crowd on all fours. Officers were finally able to get Travis into his owners' car and held their hands against the door to keep him inside.  Travis was sleeping it off Monday. "He got up and had breakfast and went back to bed.  He's tired," said his
owner, Sandy Herold.

Kiss and Drive

OSLO - Doctors and nurses at the St. Olav Hospital in Trondheim who say goodbye to loved ones as they arrive for work have received their own "kiss and ride" lane to keep them from blocking ambulances.  The lane even has pink hearts painted on the pavement and signs reading: "Kiss and drive - when you don't want to be in the way".  Marit Kvikne, a hospital spokeswoman, said, "We want to make sure that the kissing is not in the way of ambulances."  The project aims to direct the staff away from the emergency entrance where
ambulances have occasionally been obstructed by passionate farewells when staff are dropped off.  "I don't know of any other hospital in the world which is doing this," said project manager Randi Troan.

 

Bumper Stickers?

I love animals, they taste really great.

My kid beat up your honor student.

Gravity is a myth.  The earth just sucks.

Procrastinators unite!...Tomorrow.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Real men don't ask for directions.

Don't steal!  The government hates competition.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't a lot more people happy?

 

Thank You For Stopping By!! :)